This month we introduce a newly minted author, Lauren Sangster, who just published her first book, The Girl Who Flew Over the Honeysuckle Hedge: Her Lifelong Journey of Coping and Healing with C-PTSD

Lauren is the partner of John Lortie, a long-time Long Island resident. We recently caught up with Lauren, who kindly answered some of our questions about her book and her life on Long Island with John.

Did you write chronologically or different sections at different times?

            I wrote chronologically, with great intent to bring forth as much memory as possible.  So, for my early years, I drank a sprite (something I never do now), and looked at photos of myself and my family at certain ages, whereas when I was writing about Newport, I ate candied gingers and chocolate covered espresso beans (because that’s something Countess had served after meals), looked at photos from the mansion, and got out jewelry I still have from that time.  I also brought certain smells I could remember as I wrote about each section, because I wanted to “be there”, even when “there” was painful, and to fully bring the reader into experiences with me, good or bad.

From reading your book it appears that you’re a lifelong writer and have published articles throughout the years. How has your style evolved?

            I wrote for years prior to entering my first contest in late 2018 just before my husband Michael’s passing, but I never showed my writing to anyone outside of writing courses I took in New York.  Michael learned of my award a little over a month before his passing.  He encouraged me to not give up writing.  I’d just begun to submit articles to Portland Press’ Meeting House section just after Michael passed away.  My first submission was published, and I decided to submit monthly articles based on the theme, and I decided to write each month to inform the reader where I was on my journey after losing a spouse.  I was very honored that Portland Press chose to include my article nearly every month for over a year, and I was informed by the editor at the time that people were writing to the paper commenting that my stories resonated with them because they also loss a spouse.  It was so heartwarming to learn this.

            My writing has evolved, not so much in style because I have always liked to write as though I’m speaking to the reader, but writing this book has forced me to tighten up the sentences, especially because this is such a long memoir.  I actually wrote the equivalent of two books, but my original editor believed there was no way for me to divide the story so that my reader would be left satisfied at the end of the first book, so I cut around 60,000 words, and then worked for several months to continue to tighten the sentence to further reduce word count.  I had a lot to say!

Do you have memoirists that you especially enjoy reading or who have influenced how you put your book together? I liked how you often spoke directly to the reader. And your chapter endings were very interesting and different.

            It’s suggested writers read other authors for inspiration.  I think the last couple of memoirs I read were Becoming, by Michelle Obama, and No One Is Too Small to Make a Difference, by Greta Thunberg.  I like to read more educational memoirs, so Ms. Thunberg really stuck out for me.  However, I wanted to write the way I have felt throughout life; that it has happened in very specifically different “stages”, and I wanted to express the changes in my thinking through each stage and individual experiences that took place that affected me mentally and emotionally, the stages that created the “injured parts”.  Because I wrote with the intent to educate about trauma, especially from early childhood, I wanted the reader to experience (as compassionately as I could possibly do) the traumas with me, and to understand the coping methods I developed throughout the years.  I then specifically gave the reader (and myself) breathing moments after reading about trauma experiences because I believed they might need a little humor or a charming story, and there were moments I needed it, because some parts were quite emotionally difficult to write.  I also wanted the reader to understand that a great deal of the good and fun in life happens around the trauma events, and we must try to embrace those moments even as we are coping and perhaps even continuing to suffer.  I wrote the love letters to injured parts because it’s a wonderfully healing thing to do, and I wanted the reader to feel that healing that has taken place within me, I suppose as a way to reassure them I’m okay.  I also hope, of course, that anyone reading my story who has injured parts to heal might consider writing a letter as well, because it works!

Do you have any ideas for novels you would like to write (or any kind of fiction)?

            I have several ideas!  I love to write short fiction stories, and I am considering writing a book of short stories, always with some humor but also probably with a psychological twist or lesson because psychology is a big part of my life.  I am also considering writing a fictional novel based on some historical facts from my family.  I am descended from Daniel Boone’s daughter Jemima, and my ancestors helped to settle some parts of Kentucky, especially around Irvine where I still have family, and my mother’s branch of the family upkeeps two of our ancestral cemeteries.  Also, my mother’s family has been carrying on the tradition of a family reunion for over one hundred years.  I believe this July will be our 105^th family reunion.  It’s an interesting story so maybe that will be a book, or at least a short story.

When did you start writing your book? How does it feel to have it all down on paper? What was the process like of getting it published?

            I began writing in the first part of 2022, and I wrote nearly every day for a year.

            I feel very proud I’ve finally allowed myself to tell my story, as this has finally allowed me to begin to live more authentically.  It’s strange to have people read it but at the same time it’s an immense sigh of relief that it’s outside of me.

            Publishing was an interesting process because I was determined that my storyline stay as it was written.  My original editor loved my book, but he kept warning me that the way I wrote was not “traditionally” acceptable to publishers.  He suggested I find an agent and I was honored, in one way, that after my first set of emails to agents I received two responses, because it can take a while to receive a response.  One agent said she wouldn’t represent me unless I rewrite the story to only discuss what happened in France, the emotional turmoil it caused, and the healing process.  I believed this was an attempt to be grossly exploitive of my worst trauma for commercialization, and that she completely missed the educational value of why I wrote.  Because I was so adamant that my story remains as I wrote it, I realized self-publishing would be the only way I could maintain control of how my story would end up in print.  The experience of publishing was a year of me waking up on a daily basis feeling as though I’m clueless and don’t really know what I’m doing!  Ha. 

Now that the book is published, I’m in the promotional stage and it’s a whole other ballgame of learning.  Still, it has been easier than I expected.  I’m now in bookstores in Maine (Print on Congress Street), Lexington, KY (Joseph Beth’s), and Rhode Island (Charter Books) in addition to selling online.  I travel to California in a few weeks, and I am hoping to get into a brick-and-mortar bookstore there as well.  Information about where to buy my book online can be found on my website https://www.flyingoverthehedge.com/. 

My decision to write and host a podcast series of six episodes was partly to further discussion topics I raise in my book, but also as a different way to promote my book.  I believe thinking outside the box with the podcast has been greatly beneficial.

You seem to have total recall of events and conversations– is that mostly based on journals and notes over the years?

            I referred to journals I kept throughout the years, but there are also certain moments, specifically, of course, trauma moments that are so seared in my brain, like they can be for many who have experienced trauma, that I’ve never forgotten them.  I will always remember the event with my sister leading up to my experience of “flying”, I will always remember the first time I saw my mother in the hospital, and I will always remember certain things said and done to me in France, and after.  I will equally always remember certain funny conversations with my husband because they were so precious to me.  I’m sure you know, some things we can never forget.  Thankfully, I don’t have the same trigger response that I had even when I was writing about certain events, because I retraumatized myself when writing.  By the way, I knew this would happen and I planned accordingly to receive mental health treatment and healing as I wrote, and even as I was editing.  My partner, John, knew I struggled to have to repeatedly edit certain parts of the book, so he volunteered to sometimes read through them for me.  That was compassionate and wonderfully understanding on his part.

Having the cues I set up for myself as I wrote each section, to include taste, smell, sight, sound, touch however I could, was a great way to peel back the mind to expose more memories.  I had an ipad clipped into a stand beside my bed so that it was easily available for me to make notes, because I’d wake up in the middle of the night and have a very specific memory come forward that I knew I’d have to write down or I’d forget it. I woke up once, remembered something valuable, and told myself I didn’t need to make a note because I’d remember it when I woke up later that morning.  I still don’t remember what that recall was!  I always wrote down everything after that.  One thing I remembered after the book was published was how we flew kites every year.  That was such a lovely memory but it didn’t want to come out until later!

What has been the general response to your book, especially in Kentucky, among people who have known you a long time?

            I don’t interact with my immediate family, but I am aware one sibling is upset with some things I touch lightly on in my book.  Otherwise, other family and childhood friends have been extremely supportive and glad to now understand my perspective, because they now understand why I moved away.  I’ve received messages and have had wonderfully meaningful conversations with many of them since the book came out.  Many were, of course, shocked by what they read.  I’ve received a few tight and long hugs.

Have you found the beauty of Maine to bring healing to your soul? What else about living in Maine helps you? (especially Long Island )

            I moved to Maine because I loved the great outdoors.  After my husband passed away, people were sure I’d consider returning to Kentucky or New York to live, but I knew I wanted to rebuild my life again in this beautiful state.  It hasn’t been easy, because at my age it can be difficult to make new and valued friendships, and I was already starting from scratch before Mike’s passing.  It’s been wonderful meeting John and, of course we came together through our mutual experience of loss of a spouse, but then our relationship blossomed into this wonderful partnership.  I feel extremely grateful to the universe that John and I were brought into each other’s lives.  I think we’ve been good for each other.

            Being on Long Island, well on ANY island, is good for the soul!  There have, of course, been some challenges for me because John has so much history on Long Island with Annie, his wife that passed away, so I’m the outsider, and at moments it has felt awkward, though most people have been respectful and kind.  It takes time.  Also, I’d just finished writing my book when I met John and was just beginning the editing stage.  I was doing a lot of the editing on the island.  So, I was going through so many emotions and trying to keep quiet about exactly what I’d written, for obvious reasons.  Oddly, I’d written so I could get the story outside of me, and then I needed to keep quiet about it while I was editing and in pre-publication.  It was kind of awkward.  As I mention in my book, I was raised working in our family garden, so working with John in our garden is a highlight of the spring and summer months.  How could it not be?!  Of course, I love getting out on the boat, or going to the beach, and socializing when we can.

Thank you, Lauren, for sharing your story! There is a copy of her book available at the Long Island Community Library, and Lauren will be talking about her book (and podcast) sometime next year, and will have copies of her book available for purchase.